Truth, what it's like having to tiptoe around a or a toxic or narcissistic person. Or even a good person who may mean well but desperately needs professional help for mental health or an addiction disorder while consistently refusing it. Though every experience is different, in many ways the outcomes here are the same: the partner who tries is the only one trying.
That’s normally the common ground when I hear these stories. It’s so unfortunate that there could be a solve if someone truly wanted to make it right but it is the unfortunate part b/c they typically don’t.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and comment 🫶🏻
Yes, you've nailed it. This describes members of my family, friends, coworkers, past partners .... and me.
People who do this can change, with self awareness and hard work. But when the person doing it gaslights and denies, you just have to go. I've had to walk away from siblings because of this. This shit will kill you.
Well, I told him that he simply couldn’t talk to me that way anymore. And I told him if it happened again, that would be the end of it. And then that was the end of it. I still stay in contact minimally because he has children that I care about.
It’s important that you stood up for yourself and you put yourself first. You showed your children an example that is so critical for them to learn. Great job for you Mama!
Great piece! My person had a stroke and can’t help themselves most of the time otherwise I might be gone. I think however continuing to stay with a toxic abusive person usually doesn’t end well. Everyone has their reasons for staying: kids, financial, age, disability to name a few. No judgement. But all things being equal, the “healthy” person should not have to develop coping mechanisms to deal with an emotionally unhealthy toxic person.
Thank you Sharon. I am actually going to do a live session on SS in March about this topic. We all have been there before as I mentioned in the story. I can’t imagine how tough your situation is. You are truly selfless! Correct, everyone, including myself has or had reasons for staying in a situation they should have left sooner. I also think some stay b/c there is lack of
self-worth or loneliness. Not reasons to stay by any means and I do appreciate the comment about no judgement b/c that is truth and kindness. Thank you for adding value to this piece
Great post. I am so baffled by how many women (and I know men also do, but women are who I work with) are silenced by this type of behavior. I did it most of my life. It becomes a survival mechanism...but the truth is, it's not a pleasant type of survival. It will kill you, like one person commented, or just make you really sick. While the walking away was so difficult and not without cost, the freedom is hard to explain! I have a dream that one day, there will not need to be a Domestic Abuse Awareness Month.
Thank you, Pam for your comment and adding value to this post. You and me are baffled! I would love to explore this further with you. I’m gonna to DM you.
And I love your dream! I only wish that would be the case.
Thank you Amanda. I appreciate you reading this. It was something that hit home to me as well when writing it. Took me back down a road and a chapter I never want to go to again. It’s sad that this is such a common state for many of us. 🫶🏻
I teared up. It’s such an important discussion that needs to be had and thank you for being brave enough to bring it to the forefront. This is how we heal 🧡
I resonate with this so deeply. I first felt it as a child, and then later in my adult life while living with my narcissistic ex. I will never give my power away to anyone or allow that kind of blatant bullying and control again. For me, the real game-changer was healing my nervous system as back then, I didn’t feel safe enough within myself to speak up.
Annie I absolutely love what you wrote here. That is exactly what it is, bullying and control and it typically comes when dating a narcissist. Something, I have done time after time. No more! Hearing you reclaim yourself is badass and gives hope to those who are working their way to that point. Thank you for reading this and adding such great value to the topic. 🫶🏻
I gave been living this with my sister for years. She rages like this repeatedly every 3 - 4 weeks, usually around the full moon. When I call her in her behavior, she gaslight and says it's me doing it. That I "abuse " her. We grew up in a very, very dysfunctional and violent home. I have done years of therapy; she refuses. Years ago I cut ties with my mother. It was the hardest and most painful thing I have ever done. Now I'm 70 and tired. I know I should end it, but she is my sole living relative. I am house bound and my few friends all live far away. My marriage is cold, my husband is emotionally distant and narcissistic. I am not saying I'm perfect, not at all. But I see the damage done by our childhood, our narcissistic mother, my violent, sexually abusive father. I know my choices in men have been influenced by that. I don't know how to get out anymore. I have nowhere to go and no money to get there. I have given up on life, and just exist until I can die. My story is so negative, I usually never talk about it. Maybe I just needed to write it out. Thank you for listening .
Thank you for sharing this. What you’ve lived through is difficult. Violence, the cycles, the gaslighting, is real, and it makes sense that you’re exhausted. None of this is “too negative.” It’s your story, created by things no child should’ve had to survive.
You’ve done the work. You’ve faced the truth. And you’re allowed to feel tired. The way your childhood shows up in your adult relationships isn’t a flaw, it’s a wound you never got help for.
It also makes sense that you feel torn about your sister. Wanting peace and wanting connection at the same time can break a person down.
I’m grateful you shared this here. This space is for honesty like yours and the kind that reminds us we’re not the only ones navigating hard, complicated relationships.
Hang in there, you matter. Your life matters. Even if you can’t feel hope right now, it doesn’t mean there’s none left. It means you’ve been carrying too much alone.
Great read Traci and thank you for the steps on how to deal with this. You're right, dealing with people like this, where you're always walking on eggshells is very difficult.
Joseph, my friend, I appreciate you reading this. Walking on eggshells wears you down in ways people don’t see. I’m glad the steps landed b/c nobody should have to navigate that alone.
This hit so many nerves in the best way. You put into words what that tension really feels like — the hyper-awareness, the shrinking, the constant bracing. It’s a kind of exhaustion people don’t understand unless they’ve lived it. Thank you for writing this with so much clarity.
It is so exhausting to be in it and to watch someone you care about live it. The emotional ups and downs, the anxiety when they come home, the moment you want to disagree, you bite your tongue b/c you are afraid of what's next. You bottle so much up that is breaks you down internally to the point where you know wear it on your face. I thought this topic was a good one to bring up b/c I don't really see too much about it. I just hope that someone reads this, connects with it and can find the strength within to know they are better off alone. Thanks for reading this Talie and adding value to the story.
Thank you for reading and adding value to this. I have to agree with you, it’s in unfortunate and more common than not. It’s also hard to watch someone you care so much about continue to stay in the situation. Being that friend, partner, co-worker etc is a tough spot to be in as well.
I lived with this for years….described it perfectly. Finally, the pain overcame the fear of divorce….ego, money, splitting up the “perfect” family. Now we are divorced, amicably, and I have such a weight lifted off me. Your story helped my frame my previous situation, and I have used the term walking in eggshells so many times
It's crazy what we all put ourselves through when we are in an unhealthy relationship. I have been in many and I have walked this tightrope time after time. I always said it's just a matter of time when enough becomes enough and I find this courage to walk away. Which I am thankful I did. Thank you for opening up and sharing this.
Sadly it is what so many of us have caused or have walked through. It’s a part of my life have I lived and I have caused. It’s a life my dear friend is walking through and it breaks my heart to see it.
So true, I lived it and I finally feel ok again. Finally feel like I can breathe and I am ok. You cannot fix someone who refuses to fix their own darkness. Realizing it wasn’t my fault was the biggest hurdle. I still have empathy and compassion for him but I can’t do that ever again.
Truth, what it's like having to tiptoe around a or a toxic or narcissistic person. Or even a good person who may mean well but desperately needs professional help for mental health or an addiction disorder while consistently refusing it. Though every experience is different, in many ways the outcomes here are the same: the partner who tries is the only one trying.
That’s normally the common ground when I hear these stories. It’s so unfortunate that there could be a solve if someone truly wanted to make it right but it is the unfortunate part b/c they typically don’t.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and comment 🫶🏻
Yes, you've nailed it. This describes members of my family, friends, coworkers, past partners .... and me.
People who do this can change, with self awareness and hard work. But when the person doing it gaslights and denies, you just have to go. I've had to walk away from siblings because of this. This shit will kill you.
You nailed it! Eggshell walking comes is all forms of relationships, not just romantic ones!
I appreciate your comment b/c you provided hope.
People need to know that things can change. The person just needs to want to do the hard work. So, there is possibility here.
Glad to hear you made the hard decision to walk away. I’m sure it was tough.
And yes, that shit will kill ya.
Well, I told him that he simply couldn’t talk to me that way anymore. And I told him if it happened again, that would be the end of it. And then that was the end of it. I still stay in contact minimally because he has children that I care about.
It’s important that you stood up for yourself and you put yourself first. You showed your children an example that is so critical for them to learn. Great job for you Mama!
Great piece! My person had a stroke and can’t help themselves most of the time otherwise I might be gone. I think however continuing to stay with a toxic abusive person usually doesn’t end well. Everyone has their reasons for staying: kids, financial, age, disability to name a few. No judgement. But all things being equal, the “healthy” person should not have to develop coping mechanisms to deal with an emotionally unhealthy toxic person.
Thank you Sharon. I am actually going to do a live session on SS in March about this topic. We all have been there before as I mentioned in the story. I can’t imagine how tough your situation is. You are truly selfless! Correct, everyone, including myself has or had reasons for staying in a situation they should have left sooner. I also think some stay b/c there is lack of
self-worth or loneliness. Not reasons to stay by any means and I do appreciate the comment about no judgement b/c that is truth and kindness. Thank you for adding value to this piece
Great post. I am so baffled by how many women (and I know men also do, but women are who I work with) are silenced by this type of behavior. I did it most of my life. It becomes a survival mechanism...but the truth is, it's not a pleasant type of survival. It will kill you, like one person commented, or just make you really sick. While the walking away was so difficult and not without cost, the freedom is hard to explain! I have a dream that one day, there will not need to be a Domestic Abuse Awareness Month.
Thank you, Pam for your comment and adding value to this post. You and me are baffled! I would love to explore this further with you. I’m gonna to DM you.
And I love your dream! I only wish that would be the case.
This hit deep. It brought up so many emotions I’d forgotten or suppressed. Well written, and meaningful 🧡🫶
Thank you Amanda. I appreciate you reading this. It was something that hit home to me as well when writing it. Took me back down a road and a chapter I never want to go to again. It’s sad that this is such a common state for many of us. 🫶🏻
I teared up. It’s such an important discussion that needs to be had and thank you for being brave enough to bring it to the forefront. This is how we heal 🧡
🥹🙏🏻 Thank you 🥹🙏🏻🫶🏻
I resonate with this so deeply. I first felt it as a child, and then later in my adult life while living with my narcissistic ex. I will never give my power away to anyone or allow that kind of blatant bullying and control again. For me, the real game-changer was healing my nervous system as back then, I didn’t feel safe enough within myself to speak up.
Annie I absolutely love what you wrote here. That is exactly what it is, bullying and control and it typically comes when dating a narcissist. Something, I have done time after time. No more! Hearing you reclaim yourself is badass and gives hope to those who are working their way to that point. Thank you for reading this and adding such great value to the topic. 🫶🏻
🙏
This is the hardest, I used to say ‘it feels like you’re throwing up on somebody when you change the mood of the room’
Susan, that is an accurate statement! Thank you for reading this and also adding value to the topic 🫶🏻
I’m not sure if I added value but I think I’ve learned that truth telling is the best.
You definitely did!
I gave been living this with my sister for years. She rages like this repeatedly every 3 - 4 weeks, usually around the full moon. When I call her in her behavior, she gaslight and says it's me doing it. That I "abuse " her. We grew up in a very, very dysfunctional and violent home. I have done years of therapy; she refuses. Years ago I cut ties with my mother. It was the hardest and most painful thing I have ever done. Now I'm 70 and tired. I know I should end it, but she is my sole living relative. I am house bound and my few friends all live far away. My marriage is cold, my husband is emotionally distant and narcissistic. I am not saying I'm perfect, not at all. But I see the damage done by our childhood, our narcissistic mother, my violent, sexually abusive father. I know my choices in men have been influenced by that. I don't know how to get out anymore. I have nowhere to go and no money to get there. I have given up on life, and just exist until I can die. My story is so negative, I usually never talk about it. Maybe I just needed to write it out. Thank you for listening .
Thank you for sharing this. What you’ve lived through is difficult. Violence, the cycles, the gaslighting, is real, and it makes sense that you’re exhausted. None of this is “too negative.” It’s your story, created by things no child should’ve had to survive.
You’ve done the work. You’ve faced the truth. And you’re allowed to feel tired. The way your childhood shows up in your adult relationships isn’t a flaw, it’s a wound you never got help for.
It also makes sense that you feel torn about your sister. Wanting peace and wanting connection at the same time can break a person down.
I’m grateful you shared this here. This space is for honesty like yours and the kind that reminds us we’re not the only ones navigating hard, complicated relationships.
Hang in there, you matter. Your life matters. Even if you can’t feel hope right now, it doesn’t mean there’s none left. It means you’ve been carrying too much alone.
Thank you for your kindness and empathetic words. I appreciate it very much.
Great read Traci and thank you for the steps on how to deal with this. You're right, dealing with people like this, where you're always walking on eggshells is very difficult.
Joseph, my friend, I appreciate you reading this. Walking on eggshells wears you down in ways people don’t see. I’m glad the steps landed b/c nobody should have to navigate that alone.
This hit so many nerves in the best way. You put into words what that tension really feels like — the hyper-awareness, the shrinking, the constant bracing. It’s a kind of exhaustion people don’t understand unless they’ve lived it. Thank you for writing this with so much clarity.
It is so exhausting to be in it and to watch someone you care about live it. The emotional ups and downs, the anxiety when they come home, the moment you want to disagree, you bite your tongue b/c you are afraid of what's next. You bottle so much up that is breaks you down internally to the point where you know wear it on your face. I thought this topic was a good one to bring up b/c I don't really see too much about it. I just hope that someone reads this, connects with it and can find the strength within to know they are better off alone. Thanks for reading this Talie and adding value to the story.
Thank you for sharing this - you described this situation very well and unfortunately many of us can relate to this.
Thank you for reading and adding value to this. I have to agree with you, it’s in unfortunate and more common than not. It’s also hard to watch someone you care so much about continue to stay in the situation. Being that friend, partner, co-worker etc is a tough spot to be in as well.
I lived with this for years….described it perfectly. Finally, the pain overcame the fear of divorce….ego, money, splitting up the “perfect” family. Now we are divorced, amicably, and I have such a weight lifted off me. Your story helped my frame my previous situation, and I have used the term walking in eggshells so many times
It's crazy what we all put ourselves through when we are in an unhealthy relationship. I have been in many and I have walked this tightrope time after time. I always said it's just a matter of time when enough becomes enough and I find this courage to walk away. Which I am thankful I did. Thank you for opening up and sharing this.
omg this could not be more real.
Sadly it is what so many of us have caused or have walked through. It’s a part of my life have I lived and I have caused. It’s a life my dear friend is walking through and it breaks my heart to see it.
So true, I lived it and I finally feel ok again. Finally feel like I can breathe and I am ok. You cannot fix someone who refuses to fix their own darkness. Realizing it wasn’t my fault was the biggest hurdle. I still have empathy and compassion for him but I can’t do that ever again.